We catch up this week with Melysha "MJ" Acharya, author of The Breakup Workbook, an electronic guide to getting over being dumped. To order the book or learn more about her, visit her Web site.

First things first - how many times have YOU been dumped and what did you find worked best as you tried to get over it? I just sat here and started writing down names...I would say I've been dumped at least 35 times (long term and short term relationships) in the past 15 years...so that is an average of twice a year. But then if you count that I've been in long-term relationships for 6 of those years, you get an average of nearly 4 times a year.
    I thought that talking to my friends and family was the best way to get over it...however...also found that they started getting annoyed after awhile. Between talking about the guys I dumped, and talking about the guys that dumped me, and trying to figure out who I am as a person (and I'm the type of person that will share EVERY detail with my friends and family), I figured I had to start working things out for myself. I found that journaling to get out my anger and frustrations helped a lot. I began to see patterns and that helped me analyze myself over the years.

You're a former Miss Michigan contestant, a bikini model, a college graduate...did any of that help when it came to handling your breakups? Why or why not?
I think I have high self-esteem because of all of those things that help define me as a person, however, I mostly mentioned that because I want women to know that getting dumped happens to EVERYONE. Doesn't matter if you're smart, beautiful, fun, fat, skinny, young, old, a model, or beauty queen - it's something all women go through until they find that one relationship that sticks.

When did you decide to write the Break Up Workbook?
It was Thanksgiving 2004. The dreaded holidays. I was alone once again, and had been involved in a 'push and pull' relationship that had just finally, completely, ended. I kept wanting to pick up the phone and call him.
    I kept going to the bookstore to help me find something to do while getting over him - some advice, etc. I would read a book or two and then walk out of the store thinking that I had gained knowledge and would use it. But since I'm not the type of person to read a book twice (I find it boring), I found that I wouldn't retain that information for more than a couple of days and I'd be back to wanting to call him.
    Aside from that, a lot of the books out there were just saying 'GET OVER IT.' Getting over someone you love is a process, not easy to do, and women need to now that it's alright to cry and vent and make mistakes, as long as you're doing everything you can to keep yourself together while doing so.
    I had just started therapy and my therapist suggested that I should go back to journaling as a way to release my anger, that I should get a support network of people around me to help me get through the breakup, and that I should go online to see if there were any groups to support me in case I wanted to speak with people in the same situation.
    The BreakUp Workbook came along as a result of all of these things. If people find reading a book twice boring, they wouldn't find going back to their OWN writing as a source of reflection boring, or at least they wouldn't mind it as much. I couldn't find a site online that would let me get on for free to speak with people in my predicament - that's how the forum was born - and I seriously looked for more helpful books than those in stores, but thought it was RIDICULOUS that some of the 'help' books online were selling for $19.99 - $49.99. So I decided to write my own book based on my own experiences. I also priced my book at $5.00 so that everyone could afford it. It took me about 3 months to finish the entire project and put it online, but it was worth all of my time and effort.

Did you originally plan it as an e-book? Why that format?
I did originally plan it as an e-book. It's the easiest, cheapest form of self-publishing and the internet is the fastest way to the masses. I also figured that a publisher wouldn't take me seriously unless and until I had a platform, demographics of my readers, sales numbers, etc. So if I did choose to send it to a publisher in the future, I would be taken seriously.

The book - especially the questionnaires and worksheets - read like a conversation you might have with a good, smart friend, someone with a lot of common sense. How did you develop all the questions and exercises?
A lot of it actually WAS common sense. It's amazing the things you can come up with when you're offering advice to other people. I wrote the book as if I was speaking to my little sister if she were going through a break up.
    I spoke with a lot of my friends about their experiences, went through my old journals to figure out things I had done to make myself feel stronger, and I expanded upon some ideas my therapist suggested. For example, she suggested that I build up a strong network of friends to assist me. I thought that my network could also be in on the 'no contact' rule and talk me out of calling him, emailing him, etc. My network of friends could also be relied upon to keep his stuff for me and NOT let me get it back until I was ready.
    My journals taught me that the way you look at a person when you're in love, and the way you look at a person when you're over him is COMPLETELY different. That's why there's that long questionnaire in the beginning of the book. When you get to the end of the book, you analyze it and hopefully can see your entire relationship from a healthier perspective.
   As soon as the 'push and pull' relationship I referenced above ended, I went out and purchased new sheets, moved things around in my house, and added some new decorative items. I needed to make the place 'my own' again. I think that's one of the most brilliant exercises in the book.

Okay, seriously - a VOODOO DOLL?

I thought the book should be fun in some parts! I also imagined that if I sold it in stores one day, there would be a voodoo doll, some self affirmation magnets, and some other fun things within the book. Getting over someone IS work, but that doesn't mean it has to be all crying, anger and seriousness, right?

What's the best piece of advice in your workbook, and what do you hope women will take from it?
I think the best line I wrote in that book was that "Every relationship you have until you get married will fail, and even when you get married, it's not guaranteed." Breaking up is a part of life and until you find the person you're intended to be with, life is going to be a little rocky.
    But you've got to be willing to let life take its course and trust that you're going to find your second-half one day.

What kind of feedback have you gotten from your readers?
Joni, to be honest, I was REALLY surprised, but I've gotten some amazing feedback from my readers. I was a little scared to start selling the book because I wasn't completely sure that women wouldn't read it and demand a refund right away. But really, I've been very lucky. My readers not only send me personal messages of thanks, but they also talk to and support each other via IM and personal email away from the forum. I find it amazing that while these women are going through such hard times on their own, they are willing to lend an ear or give advice to another woman in a tough spot. I've posted some of the feedback I've received on my site

How are sales going and what's next for you?
Sales are going very well. They have started to pick up now that I've been online for 8 months. I'm extremely excited about the possibilities and would like to eventually hire a professional design firm to spruce up the site.
    An article about my site will be featured in HOUR DETROIT's September issue www.hourdetroit.com and that may turn into some television and radio interviews.
    I am working with an agent in NY, Jeff Kleinman of Graybill & English Literary Agency. We're working on some ideas and hope to start speaking with publishers in the near future.

And what about Mr. Right?
Funny you should ask; A man I dated about 9 years ago found me online about a year ago. We started casually chatting and are now speaking on the phone every day. (We didn't break up for any other reason than the fact that we attended different colleges and grew apart). This relationship is more romance than I've had in years, even though it's long distance, and I'm enjoying every minute of it!

More Reviews